A symphony that comes out of blue hazel eyes. An eternal petals that flows side by side with the wind. An empty heart which filled with enormous happiness and sadness. Within the hesitation over troubled mind.
I ended up writing for my blog again. No particular topic, just simply another melancholic posting. Actually, its rather just simply letting out the whole burden for a while now, cause I’ve been wondering on which to whom I should share this.
Hum, what a nice and calm rain in the morning. I thought its a dry season already. Well not that bad, at least I’m sitting here on my office, staring those code at the monitor, seems like everything twists one with another. LoL.
Hum, okay, I understand that my other alter ego has grown much stronger each time passed. Thanks to those gloomy and melancholic thought, twisted relationship, and complete defeat, the perfect situation to get a broken heart shattered into pieces of junk.
I really want to be free, as free as I used to be. Don’t wanna be bothered about all those blurry abstract thing anymore. Two years of stagnancy is enough to get me to nowhere but clinging to my past. The delicate thought of being sarcasmic will leads me to nowhere but hatred.
Well, sometimes life is hard, only those strong enough can gain something up from that, make a way forward and not forgetting about the past. Clearly hard thing to do, especially when you cling to your past too much.
Losing something will always give you something in return, might not be better in some terms, but absolutely means more on other terms. Just need to find it, smile, and embrace the future.
Whats this again? aren’t this post supposed to be an un-melancholic one? whats the difference with your old one? wheres the evil deed that talks to me with its passion when about to start this blog?
No, I’m trying to lecture myself. Trying to find what it means to be here. Trying to get the essence of Shin Arakish Valinsky, my old self before I turned myself into shitty Illyasviel. No, Illyasviel is a great one. He taught me almost every pain I could have. So I know how precious happiness could be. And I guess I pass the exam.
You tried your best, its enough already.
Yes, I know. Sometimes the results might not what I always wanted, but clearly, thats enough.
So, want me to take you somewhere? I’ve promised you to take you out before, to go somewhere over the rainbow, a place where there’s only you and me.
Yeah, I still remember it, it was on another post in this blog.
Now I offer you once more, will you come?
Of course I will. Sorry to keep you waiting for so long. It’s been a year ain’t it?
Yup. No problem, we’re one afterall.
Yeah. Lets get going then. 
Fist of all, for all those Aura Kasih fans out there, you’d better not continue reading this because this post might hurt your *cough* feeling.
I threw it away? hm.. kenapa judulnya seperti itu? no particular reason.. more like because when I wrote the title, I was listening for a song entitled Unromantic by Drew. So, basically, this just a random rambling. (berniat reorganize postingan tapi blum sempet.. )
I lost on my own world
a world full of fake smile
a place where I cry
for the sake of your laugh
A world where you barely see me
but on a blurriness
a place which no one but you
is important
an ironic fact
whilst I’m completely ignored
I skiped the beat
I followed the melody
and drank the emotion
The last drop was the last petals
of hesitation, and courage
a determination of losing something
might as well means winning something
So, what am I doing here?
in a place where there’s nothing but you ?
in a world of my creation
but without a single trace of me inside…
Sometimes I wonder
am I too patient, or am I just too stupid
Well, either way, I wouldn’t mind
I won’t lose …. I can’t lose ….
not after this far …
this is my declaration of war
I will shout it out loud, ..
until my lungs dry of blood ..
This is my declaration of fight
in which I have two option ..
winning the battle and losing the war
or losing the battle and winning the war
either way, it’ll be a painful real smile ..
even on this world of fake smile
on the world of my creation..
I can still feel the smile, and the pain of loving you ..
ps: sorry, I should’ve realized who am I to you …
Peringatan! Untuk tujuan hiburan semata, jika ada yang kurang berkenan dikarenakan hiburan ini bersifat menistakan orang lain, mohon maaf sebesarnya, silahkan komplain dan foto anda akan saya amankan dari sini
I got the title coming out from one of One Republic’s song. Yeah, stop and stare.. wondering how long I’ve been on these state of idleness. Clinging on the past. Afraid of losing something. Something I’ve already lost. Or, maybe its something I never had to begin with.
*Ngelirik seseorang yang nagih “postingan gembira” dari saya sejak sebelum ke Jakarta sampe nyampe di Jakarta trus balik lagi ke Surabaya. *
