Satu bungkus rokok (yang entah punya siapa), satu gelas kosong sisa teh panas tadi sore, plus beberapa lembar kertas kecil berisi catatan-catatan singkat berserakan didepan komputer. Gak kerasa dah beberapa jam berlalu sejak aku duduk didepan kompie dudut yang kinerjanya makin lambat aja. Atau memang otakku yang melambat? Jujur akhir-akhir ini rasanya waktu berjalan begitu lambat, tapi begitu cepat terlewati. Aku ngerasa baru selesai sholat subuh beberapa menit yang lalu, tapi sekarang tiba-tiba udah tengah malam, gila! lalu sisa waktu yang lainnya dikemanain?!? humh.. entahlah.

A friend of mine once told me that I’m overly think about almost every “things”, even the smallest detail. Its too much. Its far beyond my capacities. Dia ada benernya juga seh, tapi bukan berarti aku gak pernah nyoba. I tried, and I failed. Not actually try it but somehow…

Okay I admit it, I never really tried to just let it flow. No matter, I can’t just ignore it, I’m not that kind of guy. Maybe, its just my personalities. What a troublesome. *sigh*

Maybe its true that time can not heal, time will only help us to put everything to where it belong, whether its past, present, or future.

Kalo dipikir lagi seh, “waktu” itu sebenernya jahat. Dia tidak akan menunggu kita untuk sembuh. Dia akan tetap berjalan, tidak akan melambat, ataupun mempercepat langkahnya. Blah, and now I blame the “time” for my failure and problem, even thought it was me that lack of time management. It can’t be helped, human always look for something to be blamed for its failure. No, maybe its just me. Me and my stupidity.

Apa jadinya ya, kalo manusia punya tombol reset, atau tombol kecil buat dump memory dan menyimpannya di satu logfile terpisah. Jauh dari otak, mungkin dipunggung, dipinggul, difantad, ato mungkin diujung jari kaki. Terkompresi dan terenkripsi dengan sempurna sehingga butuh key tertentu buat mengingatnya kembali. Maybe I would be able to dump all those painful memories from behind.

But then, I’m not a human anymore. Hidup gak bakal ada artinya. Gak bakal ada yang namanya orang belajar dari kesalahan. Seperti kata pepatah, no pain no gain. No women no cry, no money .. oh NO! Damn, I’m getting out of control again. T.T

Yeah, without those painful memories, I won’t be here where I am now. I won’t be able to understand the feeling of losing someone I love. And maybe, I won’t be able to love her like the way I am now. Its not that I didn’t love her, I loved her, but now, I love her even more. And … she forgot about me even more… tragic isn’t it, at least on my point of view ^^;

Hmh.. I already got the answer in mind. But somehow, my inner self won’t accept it. Some part of me keep refusing the truth.

Oyasumi.

Book Of Realm

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June 24, 2008

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