Andai satu jiwa yang terkekang ini temukan damai dibalik kelamnya detak jantung yang berdengung, bak seekor lebah dalam toples kacang.

Hening.

Rotten within.

What is a happiness ? when you can’t smile between the cries, when you always cry even when its sunny morning outside.

Biarkan sang waktu tertawa, dalam gelaknya.

Just let them be.

And the song of adjacent lies, will echoes through the heavens.

Dan aku, takkan melupakan. Semua yang indah, yang telah engkau berikan. Mengenangmu, adalah hal terindah yang bisa kunikmati saat ini.

Calm, and lethargic.

What a coincidence.

Hanya beberapa detik sebelum semua berakhir. Dalam lelap dan mimpi.

I was thinking about her, about me, about us.. and it was only just a dream.

Here we go again, I kinda want to be more than friends.

Lets play pretend. But I’m afraid I won’t get out alive.

Sangat mengganggu. Sangat menyesakkan. Apa mau dikata ketika merubah dari dalam keluar. Hingga ke partikel terkecil dari tampilan luar pun ikut berubah. Kerut dan denyut. Berdentum dentum dengan irama tergelak lepas.

One thing to another, but what is coincidence means ? are there really coincidences ? No. There are no such things. All is well planned. By Those beyond us. And again, just dream of the freedom itself won’t take you anywhere.

Tidak sejengkal pun merasakan emosi. Tidak setitikpun tersungging kerut. Polos. Mati. Mari mulai menari. Ketidak tahuan akan kehidupan membuat kita merindukan kematian lebih dari apapun. Dan ke-sok tahu-an akan kehidupan membuat kita lupa akan kematian. Ironis dan menyenangkan. Pemahaman tentang kehidupan membuat kita aware akan kematian.

Hmm.. random banget ya ?

http://insomnity.com

Its been few nights that I’ve been experiencing such uneasy feeling, yet a gloomy and shallow heart. Throbbing, suffocating. And it was just because a simple one stupid mistakes. A simple mistakes that could take away my whole consciences, my whole soul. Still, I’m longing for a salvation.

I remembered, when I first saw her. No special feelings whatsoever. Even the meeting was a mere coincidences. Was it? I don’t really believed such a thing called coincidences, I believed in something always happen for a reason. Even now, I got my lesson. Still, I still yearning and praying for the best outcomes.

Watashi wa.. kowai..

Above all other, this is just nonsensical. But I’m grateful for what happening, as I learn more about life. Somehow, I feel heavy. Extremely heavy.

Random ? Indeed, it is. Indeed, I am.

Whatever, it doesn’t even have a relation with this post subject’s. In fact, its unrelated with the whole post, nonetheless. But moreover, do you care ? I don’t, so you shouldn’t. Well, I doubt someone would really read this, anyway.

Disrespected, and underestimated. Well, she doesn’t know with whom she messed up with. Patience is virtue, but I have no patience for unreasonable betrayal.

God, I don’t know how it comes to this. At least, the worst nightmare has passed by. And the real deal will be dealt later on.

Well, there is no turning back, the only option left is to rebuild the broken system, and whilst doing it, putting together all the parts scattered.

Or I could just leave it as is and let someone else do the rebuild.

Either way, it wouldn’t be easy.. psychologically.

Well, at least, I’ve gotta say, Happy Mothers day to you Mom, its been long since you died, but it felt like it was just yesterday the last time I talked to you.

I love you mom. Will always do.

In memoriam of Supariyati, the best mother in the world, according to Chibifish’s log files. And of course, greetings to all mother in the World that’ve been taking care of their children with love.

Jadi begini, beberapa waktu yang lalu beli modem AHA paket free 60 Days Speed up to “six hundred something kbps”. Dan masih sisa beberapa hari. Modem ini memiliki tipe Olive V-ME 110.

Lets get straight to the point. Sebenarnya di buku manual yang disertakan sudah dijelaskan cara menginstall modem ini di Linux, cuman entah kenapa rada berbeda yang saya alami.

Detailed OS : Ubuntu Linux 2.6.32-24-generic-pae i686 GNU/Linux (Lucid 10.04 LTS Server)
Rig : Lenovo G450
Modem : Olive V-ME 110
Provider : AHA (http://www.aha.co.id)

Cara CLI :

1. Buka Terminal :

apronouva@insomnity:~$ lsusb
Bus 008 Device 002: ID 0461:4d22 Primax Electronics, Ltd
Bus 008 Device 001: ID 1d6b:0001 Linux Foundation 1.1 root hub
Bus 007 Device 001: ID 1d6b:0001 Linux Foundation 1.1 root hub
Bus 006 Device 002: ID 201e:2009
Bus 006 Device 001: ID 1d6b:0001 Linux Foundation 1.1 root hub
Bus 005 Device 001: ID 1d6b:0001 Linux Foundation 1.1 root hub
Bus 004 Device 001: ID 1d6b:0001 Linux Foundation 1.1 root hub
Bus 003 Device 001: ID 1d6b:0001 Linux Foundation 1.1 root hub
Bus 002 Device 003: ID 5986:0145 Acer, Inc
Bus 002 Device 001: ID 1d6b:0002 Linux Foundation 2.0 root hub
Bus 001 Device 001: ID 1d6b:0002 Linux Foundation 2.0 root hub


2. Yup, “Bus 006 Device 002: ID 201e:2009″ ini yang kita cari.

apronouva@insomnity:~$ sudo modprobe usbserial vendor=0x201e product=0x2009
apronouva@insomnity:~$ ls /dev/ttyUSB*
ls: cannot access /dev/ttyUSB*: No such file or directory


3. Oops, belum dikenali sebagai modem, di eject dulu fungsi CD-ROM nya. /dev/sr1 merupakan letak modem yang terdeteksi sebagai CD-ROM, bisa beda-beda tiap PC, tapi kalau gag ada CD-ROM internal, harusnya ada di /dev/sr0

apronouva@insomnity:~$ eject /dev/sr1
apronouva@insomnity:~$ ls /dev/ttyUSB*
/dev/ttyUSB0 /dev/ttyUSB1 /dev/ttyUSB2


4. Works good, next, edit /etc/wvdial.conf

[Dialer Defaults]
Init = ATZ
Init = ATQ0 V1 E1 S0=0 &C1 &D2 +FCLASS=0
Modem Type = USB Modem
#Baud = 921600
Baud = 115200
Modem = /dev/ttyUSB0
Phone = #777
Username = aha@aha.co.id
Password = aha
New PPPD = yes
Stupid Mode = 1


5. Simpan, dan sekarang tinggal test koneksi

apronouva@insomnity:~$ sudo wvdial
[sudo] password for apronouva:
--> WvDial: Internet dialer version 1.60
--> Cannot get information for serial port.
--> Initializing modem.
--> Sending: ATQ0 V1 E1 S0=0 &C1 &D2 +FCLASS=0
OK
--> Modem initialized.
--> Sending: ATDT#777
--> Waiting for carrier.
ATDT#777
CONNECT 3100000
--> Carrier detected. Starting PPP immediately.
--> Starting pppd at Sat Sep 18 20:56:03 2010
--> Pid of pppd: 2265
--> Using interface ppp0
--> local IP address 10.64.22.10
--> remote IP address 192.168.240.83
--> primary DNS address 202.152.192.35
--> secondary DNS address 202.152.203.2


Yatta!!! Udah konek. Biarkan terbuka terminalnya selama pake modem, .

Another workaround, buat yang prefer pake usb_modeswitch, ambil disini dan disini, trus edit /etc/usb_modeswitch.conf :

DefaultVendor = 0x201e
DefaultProduct = 0x2009
#
TargetVendor = 0x201e
TargetProduct = 0x2009
#
CheckSuccess=20
#
MessageContent="555342431234567824000000800108df200000000000000000000000000000"


Dan bisa tambahkan baris berikut di /etc/modules untuk autodetect modem tiap kali reboot :

usbserial vendor=0x201e product=0x2009


Cara GUI :

1. Download dan install paket gnome-ppp
2.a. Pastikan detect modem berhasil, kalau tidak, ya terpaksa ada campur tangan cara CLI diatas
2.b. Aktifkan hak akses “Connect to Internet using Modem” di menu System > Administration > User & Groups > Advanced Settings > User Privileges
3. Setting dengan variable/settingan seperti diatas, connect, done! Thats it! only three steps, and practically two.

Note : Saat ini sedang mencari cara biar bisa sms dan nrima sms kek software dialer AHA under Windows, sudah coba wammu dan gammu tapi belum membuahkan hasil, kalau ada yang sudah berhasil, komen yap, thanks

Update Tambahan :

Info dari Farihul Rouf

cara GUI banyak Carana :
1-masukan Modem AHA
2- jika sudah terdereksi oleh Linux ketikan perintah : cd /media/AHA\ Dialer/Linux/
3-lihat filenya dengan Ketikan perintah : ls -l
akan terlihat file :
-r——– 1 wangkeit wangkeit 827218 2010-06-03 17:12 data.bin
-r——– 1 wangkeit wangkeit 19701 2009-09-12 18:40 DataCard_Verify
-r——– 1 wangkeit wangkeit 23369 2010-06-03 17:12 install
-r——– 1 wangkeit wangkeit 16971227 2010-06-03 17:12 MobilePartner.tar.gz
-r——– 1 wangkeit wangkeit 871 2010-06-03 17:12 readme.txt
-r——– 1 wangkeit wangkeit 920 2010-06-03 17:12 SysConfig.dat
4- ketikan perintah sudo chmod 700 install
5-langkah terkhir install atau exsekusi dengan perintah : ./install
6-tunggu beberapa saat maka software Aha akan berjalan DI ubuntu : lakukan koneksi internet & juga bisa menerima SMS dan mengirim

Credits: AHA, Insomnity, forum Ubuntu, milis ID-Ubuntu, milis BlankON.

aku mengiba pada bumi
bumi yang rebah retak terhujam kekal
dalam sendunya dia meratap

arogansi dalam ketidakpedulianku
mengantarkanku kedalam kebimbangan

aku terhenyak
meniti separuh hidup yang terlewat
mengenang sejuta mimpi yang tenggelam
menghilang dibalik jahatnya kenyataan

aku ingin tertidur kembali
dan bermimpi seperti waktu itu
lagi..

Erh, lupain deh, gag ngerti arti tulisan diatas itu apa, jariku ngetik sendiri tanpa otakku berputar mengikuti. Malem ini pengin banget rasae nangis sampek puas. Etapi anehnya gag bisa, cuman nyesek aja (lol).

Nyerah, capek sama semuanya. Maintaining a spirit is getting a lot harder now. I don’t wanna give up, I won’t, but everything seems just too . . . hard.

Hm, ampir ga kesentuh nih blog. Tapi, apa yah, tiba-tiba aja kangen ngeblog lagi, curhat lagi. Udah ampir setahun tinggal di City Of Evil ini, well not much happening, the most noticeable is Levy (see my previous posts), but more or less, its worth the time spent. Oke, skip ceritanya, langsung ke pokok curhatan. Ah yeah, and for you all the melancholic hater, go away.

Well, start with life. Kerjaan makin gag jelas, entah gimana tapi bisa dibilang beberapa bulan terakhir makan gaji buta, cuman ngejagain server biar ga mati, ya emang digaji buat itu seh, tapi apa yah, no more challenge, abisnya semua jadi serba ga jelas, atasan yang seenak sendiri colok lepas karyawan dan cabut pasang jobtask, akhirnya mo belajar2 apa juga bingung, ruang gerak mulai terbatasi, dem. Particularly nganggur donk ? Enggak juga, sibuk total, cuman ya itu, yang dikerjain ga jelas. Sometimes I even told to work on something totally out of my expertise, not even an IT guy should played with. Well, no spirit, no fvckin spirit, not even to do a research, kinda of losing life purposes.

Tapi ada yang sedikit berbeda dengan pagi ini. Ceritanya, lagi planning siteflow sama database buat project PojokRS, nyasar kesana kemari gara-gara CodeIgniter trus sampek berakhir di thread Lowongan Pekerjaan yang ada di forum Kaskus Regional Surabaya, setelah baca-baca disana, akhirnya mendapat pencerahan.

No stopping in learning.

Yeap, meskipun kondisi sangat kritis disisi karir dan lovelife, tapi gak boleh kehilangan determinasi, ngeliat portfolio dan hasil kerja teman-teman seumuran, damn, ketinggalan jauh banget. And the worst is, I lost all portfolio I’ve been gathering these whole 6 years. Its okay though, emang rencana mo rebuild dari awal. Dan saya harap project PojokRS ini jadi project pertama untuk portfolio saya.

Impossible is nothing.

Sebuah quote yg paling sering saya gunakan untuk signature di forum-forum international yg saya ikuti. To think of it, when I was still working at Internet Cafe, that quote was a meaningful one. Tapi setelah dapet kerjaan ditempat lain, eh, malah jadi meaningless, karena banyak benturan-benturan yg ternyata saya tinggal pergi karena merasa “tidak mampu”. Parahnya, untuk beberapa hal malah menyombongkan diri dengan menganggap “udah mampu”. Padahal seharusnya pola pikir yang benar adalah “belum mampu” atau “kurang mampu”. Alhasil, stagnan sampai sekarang. Setahun kerja diluar kota juga tidak mendapat skill yang signifikan, malah beberapa skill ngilang entah kemana. Too abstract.

Stop waiting, stop staring, start now!

Banyak yang diagendakan, mulai dari ngatur finance flow, time management, learning curve. Tapi menunggu tidak akan menghasilkan apapun. Targetnya, bulan ini PojokRS harus selesai dengan nilai A++, langkah awal udah dilakukan, ngumpulin whitepaper, tutorial, source, IDE tools, bahkan ebook dan referensi yang dirasa perlu. Insomnity dijadikan side private project, along with the blog. I will not trying to rebuild the community, I want to make it private for now. Tapi bukan berarti forumnya tertutup untuk umum, bakalan tetep di UP kalo ready, tapi tidak akan di advertise, mungkin buat bugtracking project-project yang ada diotak. Terfikir buat bikin self-managed opensource project, tapi skill masih belum memungkinkan, padahal ide udah banyak T.T.

Ah, jadi PojokRS itu seperti membership management untuk penghuni Kaskus Regional Surabaya yang tervalidasi. Sekalian event tracking plus RSS logging. Will be built under CodeIgniter.

Oke, curcol dikit. Soal keluarga, saya merasa, jauh dari mereka untuk saat ini, secara jarak, dan batin. Saya akui jarang menghubungi mereka, apalagi sejak ayah tiri saya nikah lagi, dengan jarak yang cuma beberapa bulan setelah sepeninggalan almarhumah ibu, well its not like my rights to say “don’t”, its just, entahlah, terbesit kekecewaan meskipun secuil. Yang saya khawatirkan cuman adik saya yang mulai masuk sekolah menengah atas tahun ini, dan seperti yang dia impikan waktu masih SMP dulu, dia diterima di SMK Negeri dengan jurusan Otomotif (or so, lupa nama jurusan pastinya). No wonder, nilai UAN nya cukup memuaskan.

Soal kerjaan, as I stated above, kerjaan lagi kritis, perusahaan lagi terancam bubar. Kalau selamat, ya Alhamdulillah. Kalok endak, ya pulang ke Surabaya. Semoga saja selamat, karena saya sendiri juga akan mendukung penuh atas survivability perusahaan ini.

Lastly, lovelife, well, Cuw masih se-egois dan se-childish dulu. Not much different, her negative aura still the best out there. Aq sih berharap dia bisa kerjasama dan ga sering uring-uringan lagi, berharap dia lebih bisa bersikap dewasa menyikapi keadaan yang sekarang. Soalnya kalo udah uring-uringan, serumah pasti denger. Padahal waktu aq pulang ke Surabaya dan nyempetin berkunjung ke rumahnya, bapaknya terlihat cukup antipati, well, gak nyalahin juga seh, she’s coming from pretty stable mid-high financial family. Her father questioning about my wealth, salary, family, work, and future plain is kinda, normal. But I can see his awareness and dislikes towards me. Entahlah mungkin juga cuma “facing-father-in-law-candidates”-syndrome. Its not like I’m just playing around, I’m serious. But well, jodoh udah ada yang ngatur.

Tiba-tiba aja kangen temen-temen lama, kangen nongkrong di trotoar Taman Apsari sambil nyanyi-nyanyi gak jelas, kangen begadang dan becanda di KOS (markas ID-Anime) sepulang nonton bareng, well, bisa dibilang selama diJakarta ini, gak kemana-mana, gak tahu jalan, gak ada kendaraan atopun budget buat jalan2 juga, jadi practically masih asing meskipun udah ampir setahun.

Somehow I feel rather lonely. Emang bener seh, makin nambah tua, makin kita harus strugling sendiri, losing what we once have, one by one. Trying to enjoy what I have aja deh, yang penting semangat! For the sake of those I left behind, those who put their faith on me, and for my own future..

Memang….waktuku tersisa
Untuk selalu di sisi, menjaga hatimu
Aku..kan slalu mencoba,
Berikan yang terbaik
Untuk kau miliki
Tapi maafkan aku
Waktuku hanya sesaat…

Reff:
Aku tak bisa memiliki
Menjaga cintamu
Walau sesungguhnya hatiku mencintaimu, memilikimu
Aku tak ingin kau terluka
Mencintai aku…
Hapuslah air matamu

Lupakan aku…
Sedihku,
Di batas asaku
Hanya ingin kau bahagia
Jalani hidupmu

Aku..kan slalu mencoba,
Berikan yang terbaik
Untuk kau miliki
Tapi maafkan aku
Waktuku hanya sesaat

Want explanation ? read more!

Well, obviously, that was a very much old and sentimental song by Dygta. And yes, I’m being emotionally melancholic, again. I wonder if certain someone will shout “there you go again with your fvckin melancholic idealism” at my face. Well, dem.. yes, its me again, with the stupid side of me again.

So, whats with that song, erh, dunno, it was popped out of my mind and then I searched on the net, with the help of uncle google, and there I found it, listens to it, and.. sulking over my damn own feeling now. What a pity. While in fact, actually, the song that really into my mood this whole week is “Tak mungkin ku melepasmu”, by Dygta featuring Andina.

Well, you know what. I’ve been thinking about purging this blog, abandon it, and bury all the memories inside. Well, its not like I don’t appreciate this blog anymore, it was very nice blog, it was the best sharing friend I could have. All my honesty, pain, happiness, suffer, joy, tears, and everything else that makes me the “recent me” and leaving behind the “old me”. Not completely leaving behind the “old me”, but at least giving me chance to right whats been wrong. Again, not as if I could right all that’ve been wrong, at least I can compromise a way to be a “better me”.

So what about Chibifish Project ?!?

Well, I might continue it, but somewhere, not here, of course. So the point of this post is.. nothing, simply can’t sleep.

Well, stop the chit chat, interested ? go on and leave some scar in the comment area. Pissed off ? no worries, shout all you want, I’m not biting ..

I’m drowning on my own feeling,..
feel free to kill me, I’m acheing
on the outside I’m scratchin..
deep inside I’m bleeding..
now I told you what I’m holding
the death and emptiness growing
I lost my sense of living
I ain’t gonna leaving
I ain’t gonna crying
coz in you i believin’

now feel my pain

ketika kubertanya mengapa
kau diam seribu bahasa
satu rima tak ungkap fakta
bahwa ku disini menderita
mungkin apa .. siapa kenapa ku tak tahu
karna kubegitu menyayangimu
satu ucap seribu makna agar kau tahu
kucinta kau dari lubuk hatiku

Reff :
thats bullshit if i said I’m fine without you
a kind of crap when I’m not missing you
I miss you!
thats why I tell you how hard I love you
but somehow I have to leave you
Coz I don’t wanna hurt you

terdiam kumenatap hujan dijalanan
teringat saat kemarin malam
ku masih genggammu dalam tangan
berdua menatap malam tegap kedepan..
tapi kini kau menghilang
dalam angan, terdiam
terkekangku dalam catastrophe yg menghajar
lingkaran multitrouble membuatku makin tak sadar
tapi bayangmu seakan tak pernah pudar
kau kan ada dihatiku hingga akhir fajar

now girl,

if you hurt being with me
I’ll let you go without any desease
I will still have you on my sixth sense
I will still have your pretty smile
let this pain be my own pain
you deserve to get the better feelin
you know girl, when I see that rain ?
this mornin’ ?
I know deep inside me you’re smilin’

thanks girl..

EOL

Well, so wheres the song ? Geez, its not a song, yet. Soon, it will. But not now.

A fragile thing called heart
what is it inside ?

I’m missing the wind
one whom bound to the freedom
I’m missing the feeling again

Feel.. feeling.. I can’t remember what it was..
And you, heart,.. have we met before ?
Seems like you know me ?
Even though I can’t recall to remember you ..

Not at all …

Okay, this will be very quick, random, and less painfull. And of course, most likely sucks. So get off to another site if you realized how sucks this post will be, ASAP!

WARNING, NOT SAFE FOR CHILDREN!

Okay, you, yes you. Why don’t you start your own realm already ? You already have all the player! I’m tired living on your fantasy and phantasmal dreams. You blutter, cry, and come. And then you smile, laugh and run. What the fvck was that attitude for? Am I, some kind of trash bin ? Indeed I used to be one, and still one if you’re concerned. But they who seeks me to throw their trash, has broken, clattered, and then came, smile, fly, and spread the happiness. And they walk a different path, a better path, and remembered the wrong path. Not walking down the same broken path all over again. Just fvckin wake up already!!

And you, fix your stupid behaviour of keeping things inside if you only keep that inside just to blame everyone later because you thought they don’t care. They care, you never tell, and when something goes wrong you blame them for putting all those burden to you ? You sulk and shut yourself sad cause you think you’re alone? Well you’re alone now. Just what the fvck with that attitude ?!?

And you, there whitey lovely who pretend to have a mask while the actual thing is that you’re weren’t wearing one. You don’t even have one single mask to protect your pain. Yes, blame everything up to me, hatred, betrayal, pain, suffer, indecisive, whats more ? a game ? good.. a new term, okay then, I even go as low as a pervy bastards just to make sure you hate me. So you’ll hate me more, and forget about the pain I’ve scratched into your heart. Naive ? yes, this naivity is my speciality. The same naive thought that someday your hatred will erase the pain, and when the pain gone, slowly, the hatred will be gone. And then to see that same bright smile once again, the same bright smile the first time I saw you, the same bright smile without hesitation.

Okay, now, mister, please be considerate, I am a human, my hand is only two, so please, again, be considerate.. I’m not you FVCKIN’ slave! You might had a higher position, but you know nothing about your thing.. you eat that money ?!? how does it feels, to eat something that doesn’t belong to you ?!?!?

Okay, rambling part 1, done….. whoa, I never really felt this good before. I’m pathetic. LOL